I don't want to grow up

So, we are 5 months into this 7 month deployment that Mike is on. Kate and I are getting used to be "single" girls. It is just us. I love that my daughter and I are so close and that this time allows us to bond in a way that many moms and girls may not get. We are all we have day in and day out. Sometimes, however, it is not all that fun being the only grown up in the house.

Kate is an amazing child who usually listens and follow directions, but come on, she's 4. So sometimes I have to be the "bad guy" I know it is for her benefit, but I miss trading off the role. I also don't relish in the fact that I am the only comforter in the house. Tonight, we read our stories, worked on our Cubbies verses, and said prayers. Kate went to sleep and I begin to surf the internet and decompress from the day. I hear her sobbing loudly and rush to check on her. She is crying because she misses her daddy and is worried about him. My heart is breaking for my little girl. How do I make it all better? How do I explain that daddy is off defending her freedom and rights as an American? Does she really care that her father is considered a hero by many? Not really! She just wants him to be here for her. She needs her hero home to tuck her in, read stories, and say prayers together. So what do I do? I pray to God for the right words to say to comfort my 4 year old. I wrap my arms around her and resist the urge to cry myself and then bring her to my room to sleep tonight. This will solve a problem for both of us. Neither will have to sleep alone tonight.

I have known since the day Mike and I married that this would be our lifestyle. This is the path that God has chosen for us. It is a lonely road and lately it seems to be desolate. There are many people that God has put in our paths for times and seasons. Many people have chosen to take a different path than we have. We love our life and are truly blessed for the experiences that God has given us. But, today I miss having access to my best friends. In a way, I truly miss having best friends. I feel like my lifestyle has cause a rift or seperation from many people in my life. Most people just don't understand what Kate, Mike, and I go through everyday. In the 4 short years that we have been blessed with Kate, Mike has had to miss over 20 months over her life. To some, that may not seem like a lot, but do some math. Almost half of her short life.

Why do I write these things tonight? To vent, to pour out my heart, to ask for prayers. God is in control and is getting us all through this time. I truly think that I love my husband more now than the day that I married him. I am so amazed at the man that God is turning him into. He is truly my Prince Charming. I am grateful that God has continually put wonderful Christian friends and family nearby to help us during the struggle. I am climbing my way back up that mountain and out of this valley but only with the help of the Almighty God. I praise Him for these opportunities to rely on His strength. Mine is not enough.

Pray for us. We love you all and miss you dearly!